Lest anyone should think that I am some sort of pious woman who does everything right in her life let me erase any and all delusions and illusions I may have inadvertently created by writing about my Orthodox life, let me assure you I am no one to look up to in living a good, balanced Christian life. I try. I struggle. It’s hard. One of the (many) things I struggle with is keeping the fast. I make notes in my planner. I write the schedule on my blog so that others can have easy access to the information but I am not an example of how to do it right. I am more the reference desk lady you see in the library… if you could gain physical access to a library.
The reason why I am telling you this is because last night I began reading the book pictured: The Epistles and the Apocalypse by Archbishop Averky. I am at the very beginning. In the first pages, we see the account of Paul admonishing Peter for being a hypocrite about food. Hmmm, sounds familiar so I thought I would fess up. During any fast it is emphasized to treat people better, to make amends, forgive and seek forgiveness. This I am a bit better at (only because I have a big mouth and am constantly seeking forgiveness from those whom I have offended), and I try my best to be forgiving. Holding a grudge is poison and it is not my job to punish, or ‘fix’ anyone.
My blog exists to tell people about Orthodoxy (and other things which pertain to healthy, happy living). To give book reviews, and suggestions for reading. To pray for you if you would like me to pray for you. To put a little tealight on the path for you to tell you, ‘this way’.
As I continue to read this most excellent book I pray to be… well… not equal to the apostles because they went through some horrible things and I am a coward. Maybe to be less than the apostles but still gain victory over this world through the grace of God. I realize I have been trying to do so much of this on my own and not through the grace of God. No wonder I fail on a regular basis. Lord have mercy.
I am still walking the weight loss path. My current total pounds dropped is 32. This is also difficult. Life is full of difficult things. Some lead you to a better life, some lead to destruction. I would rather struggle toward perfection than ever think I had obtained it. It is not the falling down that unravels us, it’s the never getting back on our feet.
If you have been struggling in your Christina walk, take heart. You are still struggling which means you have not given up. That is its own success!
Keep struggling my friends. God is merciful and He loves us!