The way to a man’s heart (and a different kind of continuing education)

two pears on concrete surface
Photo by Esther Wechsler on Unsplash.

Most men are fairly basic. They like what comes out of the kitchen (if it’s good) and they like what goes on in the bedroom.

If this stereo type offends you, stop reading now. If you want to know more, keep reading.

Because I am reading, Fascinating Womanhood by Helen Andelin, and she spoke about certain women from classical literature, I am rewatching, David Copperfield. I happen not to own this particular Dickens book. I have the Pickwick papers and A Christmas Carol, but not the very book referenced in the book Fascinating Womanhood I’m reading.

In the book, and made-for-t.v.-movie series starring a very young Daniel Radcliffe of Harry Potter fame, Peggotty, the house maid escorts young, Copperfield on a vacation so that his mother can go off, get married, and enjoy her honeymoon.

https://i.pinimg.com/236x/78/66/e5/7866e5c6136d11c95c7713889b38a433--fictional-characters-pauline.jpg
I’m Peggotty, I know things.

Peggotty, being an excellent housemaid and cook, brings a basket filled with her home baked pastries along on the long journey. She shares these with driver of the cart and before the end of the book/series, they are married. She has security, he has a woman, ‘to do for him’ as the greatest, and most prolific, author of the American western, Louis L’Amour so wisely wrote in his book, Taggert.

I do believe most men love good food and most of THOSE men would rather not cook it for themselves. I also believe that tradwives, cooking and ‘doing for their man’ deserve security from their husbands. Maintaining a home is hard work. Raising kids is hard work; raising- mentally balanced, contributing members of society… THAT’S hard to do these days.

There is a common misconception (perpetuated no doubt by those who hate to see women working in the home and not ‘contributing’)

Bundyology - Facts about the Bundy Family

Tradwives contribute in the home. They contribute by creating a happy, healthy home for their husband, and kids if they have them, by the Way…  a woman who does not have children should not face any pressure to work outside the home… none! If she and her husband are ok with it, it is no one else’s business.

If you want to be a tradwife one day and you are trying to decide what to do; spend four years going to school for a career you will willing give up once you marry and have kids, or by pass formal continuing education all together? Consider instead taking a gap year and traveling. Oh yes. Traveling can do wonders for you and give you an education you would not have received at a university. I dearly wish i had traveled instead of going to college.

During this time of travel, I recommend a certain course of action:

  1. Continue to educate yourself. Do this by reading or listening to audio books. I personally hate audio books but some people love them. I think you have a better understanding of English (even if you were born in America you need to understand your own language a swell as possible) reading and writing than watching or listening. So read… and keep a journal.
  2. Journal your trip. Don’t just take photos on your phone, talk about your trip on paper. The sights, the smells, etc.
  3. Take a cruise rather than flying or busing it. There is an amazing 6 month world cruise I plan to go on one day. It is put on by Viking Cruise. It’s not cheap. Maybe you can talk your parents into paying for it instead of going to university? If you’re older, say past 18 put not yet 30 and you want to be a tradwife, do what it takes to travel. But also read in every spare moment.
  4. What to read; cookbooks and books on housekeeping obviously. I don’t know if schools still teach home-ec but whether or not yours did, you need to know more.
  5. Be kind to everyone you meet as you travel. Smile, say, ‘hi’. Be especially kind to the staff. You never know who is watching and listening. Once people find out you’re single they might start thinking of who they know that they can set you up with.
  6. Do NOT tell anyone you are traveling to meet a husband or that you wish to be a tradwife. You are not being deceptive you are being private. Being a tradwife is not generally seen as being ambitious. It is a thankless job, a hard job, people only notice what you do when you don’t do it. Most people will not understand and you are there to travel; not convert the ignorant.
  7. While traveling, have a back up plan. You can go and work in an office at a basic level if you are competent, smile in your interview, act interested, and show a certain level of competency. Learn how to file, how to dress, act and speak professionally. there are plenty of videos on the net showing how to do this. Why are you doing this? When you return from your trip, you will need to move out of your parents house, if you’re not already. An entry level job with little commitment is ok. Remember, corporate America is not your goal but you might meet Mr. Right at the office.

A possible scenario for you; Companies love food. They have pot lucks all the time. Everything you bring is going to taste mind blowingly amazing; and even if you made ‘homemade’ cinnamon rolls from pizza dough that comes from a tube, it still counts as ‘homemade’ and that is what you will tell people. You are auditioning for your future husband. If you think you found a potential future husband, make sure the guy you have your eye on gets a plate of food featuring YOUR homemade delight (whatever it was that you made). If he is too busy working to go to the potluck, fix up a plate, take it to him and make sure he knows which item is the item you made. “Hi, Tim, I saw you were working hard so I brought  a plate over for you with my special homemade cinnamon rolls- and some other items I thought you might like.” Then you smile, turn around and walk off. Don’t even wait too long for him to reply. He is busy. Leave him be.

The next time you see him, if he is not busy or in a hurry, you casually ask, “Oh hi, Tim. Did you like the cinnamon I brought to you the other day?”. Don’t linger, don’t drag out the conversation. I’ve been married almost 16 years and still when my husband compliments my amazing cooking (and it IS amazing), I smile and say, ‘I’m so glad you liked it!”. You’re not an auto mechanic, you don’t need to go into needless detail explaining every little thing you did to make your delicious food. Most men don’t care how it was done, (Just as we don’t care how the car was fixed. We just care that it was.), they just like that it was good, hot and there is more where that came from.

Some people, including your parents, will tell you to have something to fall back on career wise. This is not bad advice, however, I went to school for journalism. When I learned all about the manipulating of the public that is done through ‘journalism’ I could not stomach working in my chosen field. I love writing which is one of the reasons why I blog. I ended up working in different fields and I  continue to educate myself in various ways. I have never stopped learning. With today’s high priced universities, why spend your, or your parents money, on an education you may or may not get to use? Yes, of course go to school if that is your desire.

I just want to let you know there are other ways of obtaining an education. I mentioned, Louis L’Amour earlier in my post. He was a prolific writer but also a prolific reader. His library contained over 10,000 books!

Queen Elizabeth II was home schooled during WWII by her governess. She would be taken a couple times a week to Eaton College to be tutored by the scholars there but she had no formal, university training and yet she ended up ruling the largest Empire on earth at the tender age of 25. How was this possible without a formal education? She had help. She had training. For all intents and purposes, she is also a tradwife. Really! Although she has no ‘formal’ job she goes to everyday, she is a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a GREATgrandmother. She has a TITLE, yes, she has DUTIES, yes she is incredibly busy, yes but she is still a wife and mother, etc. Just, on a much grander and public scale. As a ‘Royal’ it was expected that she would marry to provide a future monarch for the throne.Family = stability, continuity, prosperity, etc.  So don’t let your friends or family try to put you down or put obstacles in your way. If you know that tradwife life is THE life for you, go for it.

Peggotty - Wikipedia

5 Comments

  1. The first paragraph of this post says it all ! I so agree.
    The idea of travelling is also good.
    I travelled to Europe by myself after University, and I met my husband weeks after returning home.
    He had also gone travelling through Europe by himself, and so we had a lot in common.
    Thanks for posting. 🤗

    Liked by 1 person

    1. MelissaBishop says:

      Are you sure this post doesn’t sound too disjointed? One minute I’m talking about food and men and then travel.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I like it. I think it flows together well, and makes good points. 🤗

        Liked by 1 person

      2. MelissaBishop says:

        Thank you!

        Liked by 1 person

    2. MelissaBishop says:

      I may redo it.

      Like

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