It weighs heavily on my mind… EVERYDAY. What will I do if my husband dies first?
Here is a quick side note: My friend over at Beauty Beyond Bones wrote a great piece about pornography. Here is the LINK.
I am writing about this because I wanted to include a Gif about Mrs. Bennet talking to, Mr. Bennet about his impending death ‘which could be any day now!’ When I did my search on Duck Duck Go, porno images came up and I have my settings on Strict. And yes, I do consider images of naked women bouncing up and down to be pornographic. I get to determine what I consider pornographic. Not my search engine. Why on earth would such a banal search of a woman talking to her husband include images far fetched from the original search?
As I said, I have thought long and hard about my possible future without my husband- with many different scenarios playing out in my mind.
Would I become a nun?
Not likely. I’m fairly set in my ways and I come from a long lineage of bossy women. If there are ten women in the kitchen, each one will tell you how you are stirring your coffee wrong. Lately, my thoughts wander to a life of solitude, living in a camper making art to sell.
The one thing I think I will not do is remarry. Not because of anything unpleasant happening between my husband and I. He’s been great. This is us:
Marriage is another path to sanctification but so is solitude, prayer, and fasting.
It is very American to want to ‘leave your mark on the past’. Most super-villians have issues with megalomania. If you tell people you desire a simple, quiet life, many look at you like this:
I have spent years working multiple jobs. I was throughly ensconced in the ‘rat race’. I have no desire for it now. I wish there were a Mt. Athos for women. I might go on a pilgrimage one day. Just me and my camper driving from one monastery to another praying with nuns and monks across America. Then again… who knows. God will do what God will do. I could get lucky and get to go to heaven first. Wouldn’t that surprise us all?