Are you a Killjoy?

I just watched a hilarious video on Twitter. I laughed so hard I thought I was going to have a heart attack. It has been a long time since I have laughed so hard. It felt good, as if cobwebs were being cleared away from my soul. Then I had a thought… ‘I wonder how many people thought this video was fake?’ Then another thought, ‘why would it matter?’.

The saying goes, ‘there is a silver lining to every dark cloud.’. For some people however, they see the dark cloud inside every silver lining. They love to point out what is ‘fake’. What they have noticed that is wrong with a thing, a person, a place. I used to be just like that… then I matured and realized that I was doing more harm than good.

These are the people who say with disdain, ‘Those are fake. That’s a spray on tan. She is wearing extensions.’ And on and on it goes. These people are not just content to miserable unto themselves, but they desperately need to bring other people along on the killjoy ride as well. Nothing is ever good enough. People are trying to take advantage of them and you. Thank goodness (they think) that they are here to save us all from our ignorance.

Many years ago, I was single and living in a big city. I was completely miserable. One day, an Asian college student came to our building. He had made some miniature houses out of balsa wood. It was cut horizontally in the middle and when you opened it, it was lined with a soft, red fabric almost like velvet. It was obvious that he had spent a great deal of time on it and he should have been asking for more money than he was requesting. I fell in love with them all and purchased the one I could afford.

Mini Mini Christmas Village Houses |
These houses are similar to what mine looks like but not quite.

I felt happy that I was able to help someone else while at the same time enjoying something hand made and what I thought was completely adorable. It made me smile. When I went back up the elevator to my desk, one of the floor supervisors came over to see what I had purchased. Her response was something to the effect of how stupid I was for buying it and ‘Did you tell him your name is, Melissa and you’ll buy anything?’.  Obviously this little house was not her cup of tea, but she did not have to go there and make such a horrible comment. I ran into the same woman years ago, after moving back home. She came into the tea shop where I was working. She asked me, ‘Why do you work here if you’re married? Can’t your husband afford for you to stay home?!’. Yes, Ms. No filters but I liked the tea shop and ‘most’ of the ladies who came in so why stay at home when I can work and enjoy myself? Not that it’s any of her business but you know how it can be with some people, and that is my point. If you are a person who gives ‘advice’ (really just rude and embarrassing criticisms of the people around you) STOP!! Why are you doing this? Are you really that wounded? If so, seek professional help.

I had an aunt who had this issue. She was the eldest living daughter at the time she made this, just one of many, horrible comments to people…

The daughter of my step uncle had her baby not too long before my aunt, who was there visiting her mother, ran into her at a family gathering. ‘Oh,’ asked my aunt, ‘when are you due?’ (my cousin still had baby weight and a tummy that made her appear pregnant) my cousin said, ‘I just had the baby.’  Instead of apologizing profusely and begging for forgiveness for making such a rude comment, my aunt says, ‘Well! You’d better lose that weight fast or your husband will not want to be with you (sexually).’. Oh my poor, devastated cousin.

The ONLY way to save face when you mess up like that, provided you even realize you have messed up, is to stop trying to make it better (read; stop making excuses and justifying your words) and apologize until your eyes start to cross.

Why? Why would it matter what you say to the people around you? Natural healing is not only about herbs. It is about creating a healing environment around you, and others, in everything you do… and say. Words are powerful. Words can change the atmosphere in a room. Words can heal, or they can destroy.

It costs nothing to you, your identity, etc., to speak kindness to those around you. No one benefits form you negativity…not even you.



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