Fat shaming ninja strikes out at me

While these are what I prefer to eat:

Couple looking in window at desserts in bakery window in Assisi, Ital

I know this is how I MUST eat:

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Today is my 50th birthday. People tell my I don’t look fifty. I certainly do not feel 50 so why must I own to it? I think I will fudge my age a bit. Don’t tell anyone, K? My aunt is turning 70 tomorrow and I’m going to her birthday party to help celebrate this wonderful woman whom I (unintentionally) emulate. We have the same body type, similar laughs, we even had the same sized skin tag on the same spot on the top of our heads (which I had removed decades ago). That was probably too much information.

I was out yesterday shopping with another family member for items for the BBQ/birthday party. This person turned to me and basically told me that I should be aware that I have gotten so fat that my uncles might say something rude to me about it. This was of course, according to this person, told to me in ‘love’. Honey… that’s NOT my idea of love. I am 20lbs heavier now than the last time they saw me which was at the funeral for one of my other aunts (I have a BIG) family. I am almost 6′ tall. This hides quite a bit of weight but it is still visible. I was also ‘lucky’ enough to inherit two physical features from my German grandmother; her large, and ample bubble butt, and her large arms. I’m SO lucky! Quite a bit of my workout routine involves triceps extensions, squats, and stiff legged Romanian dead lifts.

This person also made fun of my sister’s hair and how it is growing back after chemo. I kid you not. They also said they they were just trying to warn me because my uncles lacked social graces.  Sigh. They are not the only ones, Honey. With all that is going on in the world, why can we not be more loving and compassionate toward one another? Does it really make some people feel better about themselves, and their lives, to hurt people around them?

Some of us learn what to do and what not to do in life while others seem to keep going on destructive paths. For whatever reason, they think they do not need to change. Whatever they do that hurts those around them is not their fault. The people around them are the ones with the problem. ‘Why are you SO sensitive?’, they sneer at people they have hurt. ‘That’s THEIR problem!’. Comes the response when confronted and asked to change. Their inner landscape never seems to change. It remains the same, bleak terrain.

There is a really great book that, C.S. Lewis wrote in the ’40’s that I believe perfectly captures the human spirit. It is; The Great Divorce. The person I wrote about who ‘fat shamed’ me refused to read it when told my church was using it for the ladies group study this summer. No surprise there really. Personal change is something in which we must be active participants. We must have some level of personal awareness that tells us something is off before we can embark on any journey of change/improvement. The crux of this book is that none of the people in it would admit there was anything wrong with them or how they lived their lives. One man decided to let go and get help despite his fears about change (how could he live without his pet sins?) and attachments to his bad behavior (who will I be without, xyz?). This is more common than you might think. We tend to fall into the same ‘holes’ over and over until we realize the constant falling is doing more harm than good.

I will use myself as an example.

How to draw a hole in the ground? | CommunityPlus
This is a drawing of holes in the ground.

Years ago, when I was lamenting about having made the same mistakes again and again, a person told me that as we grow and become aware of what we want and do not want, the mistakes we make (holes we fall into) become smaller and less frequent.

Everything in life is a struggle at some point for someone. It may not be YOUR struggle. You may have a different set of struggles. Can you not extend mercy to those around you knowing that there IS something with which you struggle on a daily basis? We are, none of us, perfect. No… not even you.

People struggle with food the way other addicts struggle. It’s just that ours is a much more visible struggle. Smokers can whiten their teeth and make sure they do not smell of smoke, but it is impossible to hide weight. AND people like to talk about other people’s bodies.

It can be stressful to have people come up to you and tell you how amazing you look now that you have lost weight. Especially when you thought you looked pretty cute before your weight loss. The way some people go on it can give you a complex. ‘What… did I have a hump in the middle of my back?’. No… just a few extra pounds. Then, there are the fools who ‘shame’ you for loosing TOO much weight. Fit shaming, fat shaming, none of it is acceptable. Other people’s bodies do not exist for you to make rude comments.

We do not need to express our opinions about every single thing around us that happens. This is a serious, and ugly, side effect of anti-‘social’ media. One person posts about a personal introspection and suddenly they are responsible for all social injustice because a SJW decided they needed to be taken to task for myriads of social ills that have nothing to do with this individual. This false idea of what it means to care has bled out into the world around us. We stick our noses where they do not belong. We give opinions when no one has asked us about our thoughts. We simply cannot keep quiet.

A person has an unpleasant encounter with family over ten years ago and uses it to tear someone down who is struggling with their weight under the guise of, ‘love’.

Stop. Just stop it. This person loves to begin painful encounters with, ‘don’t be offended by what I’m going to say.’. Uh-oh. Here it comes. Tip for a happier life; stop starting your sentences with qualifiers. Just do not say the thing you think needs to be said if it needs a qualifier.

The pain from what was said to me is fading. I will be, ‘ok’. I am making changes necessary for my personal health and wellness improvement. It is a process. One-step-at-a-time. In the mean time, God is good & is giving me opportunities to practice forgiveness, mercy, and love.

Lord have mercy.


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